Whoever came up with the expression “sleep like a baby” either hasn’t been a parent of a newborn or was one of the lucky ones to have a baby who slept through the night early on.
While many new moms (or dads) don’t want to admit it, their babies are exhausting them, often waking every two hours, crying and wanting to be soothed back to sleep.
Desperate to get some shut eye, parents often give into this pattern by using a prop to get their child back to sleep, whether it be nursing, rocking them, driving around, giving them a soother, a bottle, or bringing their baby to bed.
They know using a prop isn’t the answer, but they are often too tired to find a long term solution.
Life doesn’t have to be this way, says Langley’s Dawnn Whittaker, a sleep coach for more than 10 years now. With three children of her own and a background as a nanny before that, Whittaker has seen every challenge parents have with babies’ sleep.
“It is never too late to make changes. But it has to start with mom,” said Whittaker.
For the next few months, she is offering sleep seminars at the Walnut Grove Community Centre to help parents get the answers they need to improve the whole family’s sleep. The first seminar takes place on Monday, March 5 from 7:30 p.m. to 9 p.m.
“It’s not your job to put your child to sleep. It’s your job to put them to bed,” she said.
Of course, a nightly routine is crucial, as all moms know, but it doesn’t mean it should take 30 minutes to get them down to sleep, she said.
Understanding a baby’s sleep patterns is key to the whole process, something she will go into at the seminars. For instance, midnight is when a baby leaves deep sleep, and between 1 a.m. and 5 a.m., they will wake often.
But they should be able to fall back to sleep on their own, just like we do, she said. That’s where sleep training comes in.
She helps more than 500 moms a year, and through that she sees the same patterns arising.
“One mom got carpal tunnel syndrome from rocking her baby to sleep every night,” she said.
“Public health teaches us that breast is best and all these moms are breastfeeding their babies. But no one tells them how to get theses babies to fall asleep without nursing,” she said.
“A lot of moms are weepy and feel overwhelmed. All of them are too tired to read books about sleep. Postpartum can be tied to lack of sleep and a couple’s relationship can be strained. Even a mom’s energy for her baby is zapped and she can easily get angry.”
She said moms these days have extremely high expectations of themselves and when they can’t get their baby to sleep, they feel like they have failed. Moms are weepy and can’t be their best for their babies.
Babies tend to be fussier, tired and even exhibit “colic” symptoms because they aren’t sleeping well. Moms are bombarded with advice that comes from their mom groups, family and the dreaded Internet.
“There is too much information out there,” she warns.
What she offers is insight about the ways a baby will try to break mom and how to stick with a plan even when there are hiccups like teething and illness.
“Moms make a sleep diary for me and from that I can make them a personalized sleep plan. Mostly it’s about supporting them and letting them know what is going to happen when they try and how they will start to see results,” she said. Many parents co-sleep and she will talk about how to get a baby into his or her own crib at the seminar.
With most moms she works with, she is able to help babies get to sleep through the night within three to four weeks.
The difference in the child’s personality, including improved eating, being happier and more alert are changes most parents find astounding.
Not to mention parents who no longer feel like zombies, she said.
“It’s too bad sleep isn’t recognized by the government as a public health issue. It’s too bad parents have to pay to get the help they deserve to give what’s best for their child and for them,” she said.
Sleep seminars take place March 5, April 2 and June 4. The cost is $80 per couple. To register, email kim@cheekychops.ca. To check out Whittaker’s website go to cheekychops.ca.