Editor: As an electric vehicle Guinness World Record setter and avid member of the fastest growing demographic in cycling, the middle aged white male:
I would like to formally apologize to all you poor rich entitled brats who seem to despise the horrible inconvenience we have inflicted upon you.
People who complain about our environmental stewardship, and slower, healthier pace and lifestyles that so clearly threaten your get- the- heck- out- of- my- way- I’m- in- a- hurry- and- more- important-than-you way of life.
So pardon us for being happy that any council does this to you and for you so ingraciously sacrificing a part of your high speed multi-lane thoroughfare, just so we can have the peace of mind and safety of a shared, raised or extra wide painted pathway, so as to not be worried about getting hit in the back of the helmet by the trailer mirror of some distracted driving airhead driving a duelie to go get groceries.
And far be it from us to denounce your lack of concern for the environment for driving said three ton diesel belching behemoth for purposes other than delivering animal feed or pulling a trailer, as it was intended for.
And let’s not forget that there are laws requiring you to give us one metre when passing, to check your mirrors when opening your doors, and that honking a horn at us only strengthens our resolve to keep on pissing you off.
And by the way, you fossil fuel burning fossil, oil is the sun’s excrement, the oil reserves are its septic tank, a gasoline engine is not an electric motor, and you can’t even start one of yours without one of ours.
Meanwhile, we hope you don’t mind as we are going to continue to live cleaner, healthier lifestyles so that perhaps one day, we will all live long enough to actually pay off our overpriced mortgages.
Have a nice day and happy cycling everyone!
Danny “Hurricane” Halmo,