Suddenly, it’s over. We find ourselves knee deep in torn wrapping paper, confused adults and excited children trying to remember who got what from whom. All the planning, shopping and anticipation lies scattered around the fireplace and all the secrets, hiding and clandestine meetings are revealed and explained.
Then, on a day when have eaten a bigger breakfast than normal, when we have snacked continuously on crackers and candies, sausage rolls and sandwiches, chicken wings and chocolates, we prepare to sit down to one of the biggest feasts of the year. We are not going to eat because we are hungry, we will eat because it is tradition and we are expected to heap our plates with a meal that has been all day in the making.
We look down the table for the gravy and threaten to hold the butter hostage until the gravy boat is passed down to our end. We stare down our plates, heaped high and close to overflowing, then we take a deep breath and dig in.
Eventually, after seconds of turkey and a bit more of that thick gravy, when we are stuffed, full and bursting, we push back from the table. Conversation wanes as our internal bodies concentrate on finding places to put everything and then we have two big decisions make. Do we want pumpkin or apple pie and do we want ice cream or whipped cream on top?
On any normal day, any normal person would say, “No thank-you, maybe later, I’m fine for now.” But we do not say that on Christmas Day. The dessert will often define the meal and if we refuse it could be perceived as an insult to the hostess.
Of course, the popular procedure following the big meal is to sit in a comfortable chair and fall asleep to be woken up later, drive home and go to sleep again. This relaxation phase gives our organs time to meet and decide whether they are going to punish us for this behaviour or give a break because it’s Christmas. This meeting will often dictate whether we wake up or not.
The next week is a series of leftover meals. Turkey can take on many disguises. Casseroles, sandwiches, soups or stews are the lunches and dinners in the early days until we can no longer look at turkey in any of its many forms.
Then it is time for pizza, Chinese food, fish and chips or anything else that can be picked up or delivered as long as it doesn’t have gravy on it. We finally confess that we have overdone it and, my God, an egg salad sandwich is just the perfect thing for lunch and hamburgers make a great dinner.
Talk of New Year’s resolutions creeps into our conversations later in the week and we don’t have to step on a scale to know why our pants are tight.
“Yep, January 1st. I’m going on a diet and I’ll lose 50 pounds in a month.” But you know you are going out for dinner again on the New Year’s Day and the cycle will start all over. You will even wait impatiently for that thick brown gravy to be passed down the table again.
Start your diet on the second or third when the leftovers are gone. After all, you have until Easter before your family forces you to feast again. At least that’s what McGregor says.