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Odd Thoughts: New science alternative fact

Columnist Bob Groeneveld let's the cat out of the box on the topic of fake facts.
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Scientists believe the Alternative Worlds Extrapolation of the Helical Entropic Light Limit (AWEHELL) has been proven.

It’s an offshoot of quantum physics which many scientists used to explain strange quantum phenomena, but did not consider an actual theory because, like Intelligent Design, the existence of a god, and other non-scientific concepts, it was believed essentially unprovable.

AWEHELL, like the Many Worlds Interpretation (MWI) for which it is often mistaken, holds that alternative universes are created as a result of quantum events.

Quantum events cover a lot of weird territory.

For instance, there’s the tale of Schrodinger’s Cat. In his mind, Schrodinger grabbed a cat and placed it in a box with a vial of poison, whereupon the imaginary puss entered a state of being dead and not dead at the same time, until the box was opened and we could see whether or not the poison had been released. At that point we continued in one of two alternative universes: one in which the cat is alive, or one in which the poor puss has died.

Key to MWI is that both alternative universes exist, but we continue in awareness of only one.

Proof of AWEHELL coincided with the inauguration of Donald Trump as president of the United States – which scientists have conceded was so weird that it certainly had to have been a quantum event.

In this universe, reality is just a show, and Trump’s lies are not lies at all, but arise from alternative truth. Indeed, since Trump authored the quantum event that veered us all into this alternative reality, everything he now says is The Truth.

That’s why presidential counsellor Kellyanne Conway (a weird quantum event in her own right) has decreed that intentionally misleading “fake news” from our former universe is now “alternative fact,” while a reporter’s error in announcing the removal of Martin Luther King’s bust from the White House, despite being corrected with profuse apologies within a few minutes, is now “fake news.”

An interesting consequence for Schrodinger’s Cat is that, in today’s universe, the pussy in the box is Mrs. Schrodinger’s, and you can’t know whether it has been grabbed or not grabbed until you talk to Donald Trump on a bus.º

One important aspect of AWEHELL is that you don’t choose your universe. Otherwise, surely, we would have taken a different turn when the American ballot box was opened.