Amidst all the dramatic news of the world comes a story about a projected bacon shortage. According to the National Pig Association (did you know there was such an organization?), the summer drought has hurt the corn yield, which hurt pig farmers’ pockets. Their spokesman reports, “As of today they’re losing about $40 on every hog that they sell. This is why many farmers are cutting costs by thinning their herds.”
I think it goes deeper than that. I think the pigs have taken a page from the hockey players, who have also been at the trough for a long time. The pigs have voted to lock out the farmers. No doubt they are tired of years of slanderous comments such as, ‘Your room is a pig sty,’ ‘you eat like a pig,’ or ‘you filthy swine.’
They have decided they want more respect, and what better way to bring attention to their cause than by holding back what the public wants — bacon. Sidney Crosby and Porky Pig have achieved solidarity.
No doubt this news has created bacon hoarding. No doubt shopping carts full of pork products are headed for the freezers. I’m sure these reports also shocked the turkey population who has realized that turkey bacon is the next big option. First they endure Thanksgiving, then Christmas, now a pork shortage. The flocks will not like this development.
Rather than rely on rumours, I went to a local farm to talk directly to a farmer. I was exiting my truck when a large three-legged pig ran across the farm yard. As I was laughing at its awkward gait, the farmer came up behind me.
“Don’t make fun of that pig. It saw smoke coming from the house one night, woke us up and saved our lives. It saw our dog fall down the well and dropped a rope down and pulled it out. It heard foxes in the hen house one morning, fought them off and saved my prize chickens.”
“I’m impressed,” I replied. “But why does he only have three legs?” “Well,” said the farmer, “you don’t eat a pig like that all at once!”
You see, the pigs just don’t get any respect.
I have compiled a poetic tribute to the pig, and hopefully society will change its attitude, and we can still bring home the bacon. At least, that’s what McGregor says.
The pig said to the chicken,
“How about a dinner date?”
So they ended up together
On the farmer’s breakfast plate!
“I’m cold!” The little piglet cried,
“This pig sty has no heat!”
That’s why little pigs in blankets,
Are best toasted up to eat.
The porker stole into the spotlight,
Sang out, “Hello world, here I am!”
His barnyard neighbors snickered,
“He’s just an ordinary ham!”
He was slippery when they greased him up,
He put on the fastest show;
Then one day, near the finish line,
His ham string just let go.
Pigs say they want more love from us,
They try in many ways;
We love them with an apple in their mouth
In a tasty maple glaze.