Does Santa really fly around the world every Christmas Eve, in a sleigh drawn by eight reindeer? How do they fly? How do they haul all those presents? And how do they evade NATO air defence systems?
A more important question is, why reindeer?
We definitely have caribou here in British Columbia, but you won’t see them outside of a zoo in the Lower Mainland.
Famously, there are some silly songs about Santa’s Australian trips, in which his sleigh is drawn by kangaroos.
Why should the Australians have all the fun of localized Santa-propulsion-units?
Here are a few other animals that should have a crack at pulling Santa’s sleigh, with special attention given to animals that really represent our Canadian environment.
• Great Blue Herons
You’ve seen them, in graceful flight or standing perfectly still on their stilt legs at the edge of a creek or ocean inlet. These herons are a dignified part of our landscape, and best of all, they can already fly! No magic required!
Well, some magic required, eight herons aren’t going to be able to pull a quintillion metric tonnes of toys without some magical assistance.
• Beavers
North America’s largest rodent, a capable builder of dams and lodges, and one of Canada’s symbols, why not use beavers to pull Santa’s sleigh?
If Santa needs some emergency repairs to the sleigh mid-flight, why not trust a team of natural-born engineers to chew down a few trees and whip up a new part in a jiffy?
Plus, they’re semi-aquatic, so give that sleigh some pontoons, and they’re capable of water-landings. Let’s see the reindeer do that!
• Moose
If antlers are necessary for flight, then even bigger antlers should be even better, right?
Moose are the biggest member of the deer family by a long shot. If Santa can’t get down the chimney, the moose will go through the chimney!
Small problem, they may crash through roofs rather than landing daintily on them.
• Raccoons
Smaller than a reindeer, yes, but can you think of a smarter Canadian animal than the common suburban raccoon?
Dapper in their masks and fluffy furs, adaptable to deliveries in rural or urban areas alike, and fastidious in their eating habits, they’re also dexterous enough to let Santa in through back doors or windows if there’s no chimney.
Or they’ll use their clever hands to get into locked trash bins, so Santa’s visits might get a little messy.
• Pacific Giant Octopus
Speaking of clever animals, the octopus is the smartest invertebrate, displaying a great deal of curiosity. They can open jars and escape from tanks with ease. So why not put them to work with Santa? Getting up and down a chimney would be no problem, with all those suction cups on their arms! I bet they even like chocolate chip cookies.
Now, the only real problem is where you attach the harnesses…